Well, we had another OB appointment today and I feel I have a better understanding of the blood abnormality they found.
For those of you interested, test results from my last blood tests found a very rare antibody in my blood that is built against the M-antigen in Vance's blood. This is not the same thing as being RH+ or RH- for those who are wondering. They cannot give me a shot of RhoGam to protect the baby from my antibodies.
Basically, IF Vance has passed this M-Antigen to the baby, my antibodies could potentially start attacking the red blood cells of the baby which could lead to fetal anemia, which could lead to fetal heart failure.
In all my OB's years of practice, she has yet to have a patient with this Anti M antibody. I am JUST that SPECIAL :)
Right now, we are just going to continue to check my titers (antibody levels) every 4 weeks to monitor them and make sure they don't surpass a threshold of 1:8. If they do increase above this level, I will be sent to see a specialist in Dallas. This specialist will use a Doppler ultrasound that monitors specific blood vessels in the baby and checks growth, development, heart function, etc.
WORST case scenario... If my titers keep increasing before I am full term or even 28 weeks... they can do blood transfusion to the fetus via umbilical cord to provide it the red blood cells my body is attacking- this can be very tricky and probably isnt the safest procedure... seeing as how they would need to stick a very large needle thru my belly to reach into the umbilical cord.
Potentially, worst case, I would have to deliver per-term, have a c-section or have a possible blood transfusion myself.
But i'm not letting myself go there. Right now, we have no reason to worry. They took some more blood today and we will find out my titer results within the next week.
For now, we are just enjoying each day as it comes. I'm looking at this situation as an awesome way for God to glorify himself in my life. I know He will take care of us. I trust God. I have no control over any of this. God just decided I was special enough to handle some rare blood abnormality.
Isn't it funny how he chose one of the most highly paranoid and obsessively worrisome people to put in this situation? :) this is all just a part of the refining process and parenting journey. Lack of control and complete trust. I'm happy to report that I really am calm and not worrying about this, and THAT is a work of God for anyone who really knows me :)
For now, we just need prayer that my titers stay very, very low and that they never reach 1:8. If they do, we will cross that bridge when we get there.
Our next ultrasound is May 24th. We will find out the sex of the baby then (if baby is in good position). I am sooo excited! Baby's heart beat was 144 bpm today- much lower than the previous 177 bpm but Dr. says thats normal for it to start decreasing as it gets bigger. I'm anxious to get another picture of Baby G and find out their sex. I think I've already started to feel movements... they feel different than just gas.
All I know is this baby is destined to be a fighter. Between having a virus when i first found out i was pregnant, to having the flu, to now this blood thing... baby G hasnt had it easy but I know he/she will be resilient :)
Monday, April 23, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Just a little update...
How did you find out you were pregnant? I am one of the most paranoid people you will ever meet! For the first three years of our marriage, I would have to estimate I’ve taken roughly 50 pregnancy tests! Why was I always convinced I was pregnant?!? The morning I woke up and peed on a stick was like any other of those times, except this time… It was positive.
What were your 1st symptoms? Before I took the test, I had very little symptoms- I just felt Like I was about to start my period.
Who did you tell first? I woke my sweet husband up at 5am by yelling, “Vance! You need to come in here! What does that look like to you?!??!”
My 1st reaction: Shocked. It felt very surreal to see a positive after only trying for 3-4 weeks. We hadn’t expected to get pregnant THAT fast!
Was your baby planned? Yes. Christmas day Vance surprised me with a little onesie he had made, that basically said something to the affect that he wanted to start trying for Baby Garvey. The next month I was pregnant!
How far were you when you found out? I think I was probably only 3 ½ - 4 weeks when I found out- I forgot to mention the part where I had taken a test a few days before the positive one.. which was negative of course, but you know me… I’m THAT gal. The one who has a weird feeling in her side and assumes she is pregnant so she takes a test!
Due Date: October 10, 2012 (the day before my birthday)
How many weeks are you? I’ll be 15 weeks tomorrow!
Do you know the sex? Not yet- At our last sonogram the Dr said she thought it kinda looked like girl parts but it was too early to tell. Vance is convinced it’s a boy and I have NO clue- we will find out in May.
Any names? For now, its Baby G. We are going to keep the name a secret until its born.
Any Ultrasounds? My first one was at 6 weeks! (I thought I was closer to 8 at the time). Then I had one at 10 weeks. My next one is next Monday and I’ll be about 16 weeks.
Have you heard the heart beat? Yes! So amazing! At 6 weeks it was 122 BPM. At 10 weeks it was 170 BPM- Baby G has a strong heart!
Who do you think it will look like? NO Clue! I think that’s one of the most exciting parts about meeting the baby for the first time… seeing what qualities we each gave the baby.
Have you felt the baby move? No. Just lots of Gas! I cannot wait to finally feel it!
Did you have morning sickness? Yes! The first three months were pretty rough. I never threw up (except for that virus I got) but I was nauseous all day every day- the only thing that helped was eating.
Did you have any cravings? I want French Fries allllll the time!
Did you have any mood swings? Don’t ask my husband that. Its hard to be happy when you feel like crap all the time- there might have been the occasional night when Vance came home and I was balling my eyes out while laying on the floor- or when I almost had a meltdown because I was making nachos and my cheese got crusty- lol… I’m working on it.
Any complications? The only oddity that has come up recently has been the discovery of an antibody my blood has against an M antigen. We found out Vance has this M antigen, so we will have to do routine blood tests every 4 weeks to make sure my antibody levels aren’t increasing. If they do, the doctor says this is very treatable (don’t know what the treatment is yet) but she has told me not to worry.
When did you start to show? My belly does bizarre things thru ought the day. One moment I don’t look pregnant and the next I look 6 months pregnant! Its HUGE at night! I would say you could see a small bump around 11 weeks but its nothing to write home about.
How long could you wear your regular clothes? I’ve been in maternity jeans since 8 weeks. I guess I’m just one of those lucky girls who’s back and hips exploded with extra cushion the moment they found out they were pregnant.
Home or Hospital? Hospital. We live too far from the hospitals to consider a home birth.
Natural or Medicated birth? I am going to strive for an unmediated birth as much as possible. I make no guarantees to anyone or myself, but that is my goal. My mom popped her babies out in 4-5 hours, so I’m praying its hereditary!!!
What is your favorite thing about being pregnant? So far- my stretchy pants? ;) No actually, my favorite thing is watching my husband’s face light up when he looks at my belly and when he talks to the baby, rubs my belly and is just glowing (at least one of us is glowing) :)
What is the worst thing about being pregnant? Feeling out of control about how my body is changing (getting fat), gas, bladder pain, indigestion, fatigue, moodiness… must I continue?
What’s one thing you miss doing since being pregnant? Happy hour.
The weekend we found out... around 4 weeks
Six Weeks...
10 weeks... Just a lot of bloating
14 weeks
Friday, April 6, 2012
Maundy Thursday
Last night we attended the Maundy Thursday service at our church. Its a celebration of the passover. The beautiful night when Jesus shared with his disciples that He was to become their sacrifice. That they were to use his flesh and blood to mark themselves with, so that God's wrath would Pass.Over.Them.
At our church, we have the washing of the feet, just as Jesus did for his disciples that passover evening.
The priests humbly bow in front of bowls at the front of the sanctuary and whoever wishes to walk up and have their feet washed may do so.
I am perpetually cold natured, and in true form, was freezing last night inside the sanctuary. So, my sweet husband went to the back were they keep some knitted shawls that some ladies from the church have made, and wrapped it around my shoulders.
Shortly after the service started and while the choir was singing so beautifully, a woman from our church walked thru the doors, holding the arm of another woman whom i presumed she found wandering the street. Our church is located in the center of downtown Tyler and although we have many ministries to the poor and homeless, we rarely see someone from the street walk thru the doors for a service.
It was beautiful and refreshing to see one of our members hold this woman up, walk her inside, wrap her arms around her and stand proudly with her. I was thankful to witness such a beautiful act of service, kindness and love. This older woman who was clearly homeless was wearing a dress, no bra, little sandals that had seen better days and had a beach towel draped around her shoulders. She was missing half her teeth and couldn't walk on her own without assistance.
As the service continued and I watched our beautiful clergy serve our congregation, I was overwhelmed with emotion. Overwhelmed with thankfulness for their sacrifices. Somehow, washing others feet is the perfect picture of humility and service. These men and women who work long, ridiculous hours. Who are always giving and giving and giving of their time, they energy, their emotions. I was so full of thankfulness for them.
And I couldn't stop looking back at this woman seated behind me. Watching her disheveled body limp towards the front to get her feet washed by one of the priests, with her beach towel wrapped around her... I couldn't help but realize that her and I were no different. Me, with my shawl wrapped around my shoulders, and all her outward brokenness was just the same as my inward brokenness.
Thinking of the priest who washed her feet. Her dirty feet. Her swollen, disheveled, broken, dirty feet that he washed with his bare hands. How hard might it have been for him to pick up her feet and rub the dirt off with his hands... and yet, that is what Jesus has done for us.
He has picked us up, out of our filth, off of the street, with our filthy garments and beach towels wrapped around our shoulders, and walked us into the knowledge of his love. He sacrificed his perfect self for our filthy, decaying, broken selves. He did it gladly. Lovingly. Sacrificially.
The words sacrifice and service kept swimming around my mind last night. All I can do is meditate on these treasures and let God grow the seeds being planted.
I'm so thankful for the servants of God. For those women. For our leaders. For those broken people who give us peeks of Gods love. But most of all, thankful this Good Friday for Jesus. I have had my doubts about you Jesus. We have had our battles- I've screamed and cursed you in the middle of the night, scared, confused and full of unbelief. It has been an incredibly difficult journey of faith with You and Me. But Jesus, I'm still here, at your feet. You never left me. Even when if felt like you did. I'm here and so thankful for you.
At our church, we have the washing of the feet, just as Jesus did for his disciples that passover evening.
The priests humbly bow in front of bowls at the front of the sanctuary and whoever wishes to walk up and have their feet washed may do so.
I am perpetually cold natured, and in true form, was freezing last night inside the sanctuary. So, my sweet husband went to the back were they keep some knitted shawls that some ladies from the church have made, and wrapped it around my shoulders.
Shortly after the service started and while the choir was singing so beautifully, a woman from our church walked thru the doors, holding the arm of another woman whom i presumed she found wandering the street. Our church is located in the center of downtown Tyler and although we have many ministries to the poor and homeless, we rarely see someone from the street walk thru the doors for a service.
It was beautiful and refreshing to see one of our members hold this woman up, walk her inside, wrap her arms around her and stand proudly with her. I was thankful to witness such a beautiful act of service, kindness and love. This older woman who was clearly homeless was wearing a dress, no bra, little sandals that had seen better days and had a beach towel draped around her shoulders. She was missing half her teeth and couldn't walk on her own without assistance.
As the service continued and I watched our beautiful clergy serve our congregation, I was overwhelmed with emotion. Overwhelmed with thankfulness for their sacrifices. Somehow, washing others feet is the perfect picture of humility and service. These men and women who work long, ridiculous hours. Who are always giving and giving and giving of their time, they energy, their emotions. I was so full of thankfulness for them.
And I couldn't stop looking back at this woman seated behind me. Watching her disheveled body limp towards the front to get her feet washed by one of the priests, with her beach towel wrapped around her... I couldn't help but realize that her and I were no different. Me, with my shawl wrapped around my shoulders, and all her outward brokenness was just the same as my inward brokenness.
Thinking of the priest who washed her feet. Her dirty feet. Her swollen, disheveled, broken, dirty feet that he washed with his bare hands. How hard might it have been for him to pick up her feet and rub the dirt off with his hands... and yet, that is what Jesus has done for us.
He has picked us up, out of our filth, off of the street, with our filthy garments and beach towels wrapped around our shoulders, and walked us into the knowledge of his love. He sacrificed his perfect self for our filthy, decaying, broken selves. He did it gladly. Lovingly. Sacrificially.
The words sacrifice and service kept swimming around my mind last night. All I can do is meditate on these treasures and let God grow the seeds being planted.
I'm so thankful for the servants of God. For those women. For our leaders. For those broken people who give us peeks of Gods love. But most of all, thankful this Good Friday for Jesus. I have had my doubts about you Jesus. We have had our battles- I've screamed and cursed you in the middle of the night, scared, confused and full of unbelief. It has been an incredibly difficult journey of faith with You and Me. But Jesus, I'm still here, at your feet. You never left me. Even when if felt like you did. I'm here and so thankful for you.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
The Feeding of Five Thousand
I promise, I really will become more consistent about blogging. :)
As a foster parent, you have good days and bad days.
Lately, we have had just a bunch of really bad days all stringed together (ok, its been like the past month or two).
The novelty of the new precious children has worn off. Their crazy little antics have stopped being so cute and funny. The lack of alone time or married couple time has started to grate on us and the continual self sacrifice it takes to parent someone else's children can become a burden instead of a joy.
I'm just being really honest here. Hopefully, If you know me at all, you know that what you see is what you get. I am the same person all the time, good, bad and really ugly. It often gets me in trouble... oh well.
Our little guy has been acting out a lot more lately. Overt disobedience. Complete disregard for listening to what you say to him. Inappropriate behaviors at school. I mean, its been HARD.
However, we realized the other day (while vance and I were laid up on the couch with a nasty viral bug) that a lot of his behavior is probably in response to our irritation and hostility.
We have been trying to care for these children on our own strength. We havent been in the word as much as when they first came. We havent been praying as much for them as when they first came. We havent been purposely spending time in Gods presence as much as when they first came.
We let our guard down.
Granted, It seems like every time i try to get up early in the morning, just as i turn on the light and open my bible, a baby is crying, the dog starts barking and wakes up the house, or something happens that totally interrupts my "me" time. But thats not an excuse.
To be honest, its been pretty ugly around our house and our hearts lately. There has been little compassion, little grace, little patience and an abundance of frustration and plain old burn out.
And it only took a total melt down on my part, weeping like a freaking crazy person to vance saying "i cant do this anymore" to realize what the problem was.
We were trying to minister to these children in our own strength!
Even Jesus said, "I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge..."
I'll leave you with this encouragement I received the other day while reading the story about Jesus feeding the five thousand. In every one of the gospels, the story is told in practically the exact same way. In Matthew, Mark, and Luke, the story of the five thousand is told right after the telling of the execution of John the Baptist. They say that after hearing of his death, Jesus withdrew to be alone, but large crowds followed after him. And seeing them, He had compassion on them and fed them. At the end of each story, it says that after the people were satisfied the disciples picked up all the remaining broken pieces of bread and filled twelve baskets full.
This ministered to me so much. How often do i feel broken hearted and want to run away to be alone, away from the kids, the stress, the mess, the crying, etc... but they follow me because they need me. They need love. They need comfort. If i will just allow myself to love like Jesus did, miracles will happen. Children will be ministered to... healed... fed... just like the five thousand.
My favorite part of the story, although not really biblical or symbolic of any type of theology, was that each gospel describes the disciples piking up twelve baskets full of Broken Pieces.
Yeah, I feel like that is all I have to give sometimes... broken pieces of myself, but apparently, it still feeds the soul and satisfies the hunger, so I will continue to give it.
As a foster parent, you have good days and bad days.
Lately, we have had just a bunch of really bad days all stringed together (ok, its been like the past month or two).
The novelty of the new precious children has worn off. Their crazy little antics have stopped being so cute and funny. The lack of alone time or married couple time has started to grate on us and the continual self sacrifice it takes to parent someone else's children can become a burden instead of a joy.
I'm just being really honest here. Hopefully, If you know me at all, you know that what you see is what you get. I am the same person all the time, good, bad and really ugly. It often gets me in trouble... oh well.
Our little guy has been acting out a lot more lately. Overt disobedience. Complete disregard for listening to what you say to him. Inappropriate behaviors at school. I mean, its been HARD.
However, we realized the other day (while vance and I were laid up on the couch with a nasty viral bug) that a lot of his behavior is probably in response to our irritation and hostility.
We have been trying to care for these children on our own strength. We havent been in the word as much as when they first came. We havent been praying as much for them as when they first came. We havent been purposely spending time in Gods presence as much as when they first came.
We let our guard down.
Granted, It seems like every time i try to get up early in the morning, just as i turn on the light and open my bible, a baby is crying, the dog starts barking and wakes up the house, or something happens that totally interrupts my "me" time. But thats not an excuse.
To be honest, its been pretty ugly around our house and our hearts lately. There has been little compassion, little grace, little patience and an abundance of frustration and plain old burn out.
And it only took a total melt down on my part, weeping like a freaking crazy person to vance saying "i cant do this anymore" to realize what the problem was.
We were trying to minister to these children in our own strength!
Even Jesus said, "I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge..."
I'll leave you with this encouragement I received the other day while reading the story about Jesus feeding the five thousand. In every one of the gospels, the story is told in practically the exact same way. In Matthew, Mark, and Luke, the story of the five thousand is told right after the telling of the execution of John the Baptist. They say that after hearing of his death, Jesus withdrew to be alone, but large crowds followed after him. And seeing them, He had compassion on them and fed them. At the end of each story, it says that after the people were satisfied the disciples picked up all the remaining broken pieces of bread and filled twelve baskets full.
This ministered to me so much. How often do i feel broken hearted and want to run away to be alone, away from the kids, the stress, the mess, the crying, etc... but they follow me because they need me. They need love. They need comfort. If i will just allow myself to love like Jesus did, miracles will happen. Children will be ministered to... healed... fed... just like the five thousand.
My favorite part of the story, although not really biblical or symbolic of any type of theology, was that each gospel describes the disciples piking up twelve baskets full of Broken Pieces.
Yeah, I feel like that is all I have to give sometimes... broken pieces of myself, but apparently, it still feeds the soul and satisfies the hunger, so I will continue to give it.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Little Smiles and Little Hands
It has been KILLING me that I'm not able to post pictures and videos of our sweet babies (due to privacy issues)...
I've been horrible about updating our journey- The month of December was so busy and now we are half way through January and I cant even believe how quickly time has been passing.
A little update:
Our precious 3rd foster child came to be with us January 6th. We are definitely a FULL home now- and I have to be honest, I really love it. Its crazy, dont get me wrong. I get crazy. I yell at the kids, I get frustrated, I get stressed out and all the madness that comes with being new foster parents is always there...
but these children are such a joy and pleasure to look after, love on and shepherd.
Vances trip to Africa was cancelled due to the Economic unrest currently happening in Nigeria. It was unfortunate for the group and those they would have been serving, but selfishly, I'm so thankful he is still here. I honestly did not know how I was going to survive with an 8 month old, 2 year old, and 4 year old... all by myself for 2 weeks.
My job is going wonderfully. I LOVE the people I work with. My job is not stressful and I enjoy coming to work everyday. THIS is truly such a blessing and answer to 2 1/2 years of prayer (and some whining) on my behalf.
I will be graduating at the end of this semester. I had the first class of my last class yesterday. There are 4 of us girls in the class. Its gonna be awesome. I cannot wait to be done with School!!!!!!
Thats about all for now. I'm going to try to be so much better about posting updates.
Monday, December 12, 2011
I should be thinking of school...
Today's one of those days.
I have a Final Exam tonight that I haven't even studied for.
I have a paper due in the next couple days that I've known about since last summer and I'm only half way done with it.
And I have our foster children on my mind.
My love for these kids has evolved in just 3 short months. It feels like its been a year.
As each month passes, we get closer to finding out a little more of what will happen to these kids. Where they will go. What decisions will be made for them that will forever effect them.
Today is a crying day. I'm sitting here in Starbucks on my lunch break ( i should be studying) but instead, I'm writing... i need the catharsis. People always tell Vance and I that we are so brave, or strong, etc. for becoming foster parents. The truth is, we are non of those things, and the hardest part is yet to come. Caring for these kids is easy compared to the pain of having to watch others decide their future for them and the possibility of having to let them go.
I'm so thankful that God has called my Husband and I to the special ministry of Fostering Orphans. It is such an honor and blessing and truly, these kids have been such gifts.But sometimes, its just shitty. Today is one of those shitty days. Thats really the only way I can explain it.
WE covet your prayers. For the outcome of the kids case, for the months ahead that are sure to be beautiful and rocky.
P.S. Why must Starbucks play such depressing music?! As if I'm not already ttrying to keep it together today. Seesh...
~Nicole
I have a Final Exam tonight that I haven't even studied for.
I have a paper due in the next couple days that I've known about since last summer and I'm only half way done with it.
And I have our foster children on my mind.
My love for these kids has evolved in just 3 short months. It feels like its been a year.
As each month passes, we get closer to finding out a little more of what will happen to these kids. Where they will go. What decisions will be made for them that will forever effect them.
Today is a crying day. I'm sitting here in Starbucks on my lunch break ( i should be studying) but instead, I'm writing... i need the catharsis. People always tell Vance and I that we are so brave, or strong, etc. for becoming foster parents. The truth is, we are non of those things, and the hardest part is yet to come. Caring for these kids is easy compared to the pain of having to watch others decide their future for them and the possibility of having to let them go.
I'm so thankful that God has called my Husband and I to the special ministry of Fostering Orphans. It is such an honor and blessing and truly, these kids have been such gifts.But sometimes, its just shitty. Today is one of those shitty days. Thats really the only way I can explain it.
WE covet your prayers. For the outcome of the kids case, for the months ahead that are sure to be beautiful and rocky.
P.S. Why must Starbucks play such depressing music?! As if I'm not already ttrying to keep it together today. Seesh...
~Nicole
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Things are lookin up!
I'm currently enjoying some alone time while the kids are at the church nursery and I'm sippin on my pumpkin latte at Starbucks.
This week we provided respite care for another family in our agency for a little 3 year old foster girl. That means we had a 2, 3 and 4 year old. It was a crazy and fun weekend. The little 3 year old girl was so sweet, calm and well mannered... it kinda made Vance and I realize what terrors our kiddos are :) We love our little monsters though!
In latest news, a job dropped right into my lap last week. A friend of ours from church was talking to one of her friends at church and found out randomly that her husband was looking for an assistant. Knowing I've been looking for a job, our friend told vance and vance told me... I called this man (who goes to our church but i had never met) and scheduled an interview for the next day. After a wonderful 1 1/2 hour interview, talking and meeting the people in the office, they called me later that afternoon and asked if I would like to start work the following monday! For almost $8000 a year more than I told them I was looking for.
So, all in all, its been an eventful and encouraging week.
More to come later.
This week we provided respite care for another family in our agency for a little 3 year old foster girl. That means we had a 2, 3 and 4 year old. It was a crazy and fun weekend. The little 3 year old girl was so sweet, calm and well mannered... it kinda made Vance and I realize what terrors our kiddos are :) We love our little monsters though!
In latest news, a job dropped right into my lap last week. A friend of ours from church was talking to one of her friends at church and found out randomly that her husband was looking for an assistant. Knowing I've been looking for a job, our friend told vance and vance told me... I called this man (who goes to our church but i had never met) and scheduled an interview for the next day. After a wonderful 1 1/2 hour interview, talking and meeting the people in the office, they called me later that afternoon and asked if I would like to start work the following monday! For almost $8000 a year more than I told them I was looking for.
So, all in all, its been an eventful and encouraging week.
More to come later.
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