Sometimes I feel sad.
I look at the numerous friends around me who are also pregnant with their first children and feel envious of their experience because I know it differs from mine so much.
I see the words of wisdom friends give to them... like:
"enjoy being baby free now..."
"sleep now while you can..."
"make time to exercise during your pregnancy..."
"enjoy the quiet moments with your husband while you can..."
And it just reminds me that I will never get to have that "first time mom" experience that most women have.
We are not baby free. We have a 16 month old baby/toddler who is venturing into the world of tantrums, non-stop fussing, teething, sleeping problems, picky eating habits and the list goes on. All you moms out there know exactly what I mean.
Our schedules revolve around this little thing. We struggle to get our weary bodies out of bed in enough time to get ourselves ready before she starts crying at 6:30/7:00 am... then we get her up, dressed, fed and rush off to daycare. Then we work all day, go pick her up from daycare, rush home to feed her, bathe her, play with her and get her off to bed- only to fall flat on our faces and veg in front of the TV for an hour or two and try and spend some time together before we fall into bed and do the whole thing over the next day. I mean, this is the life of a Parent.
Who the heck has time for working out, spending quality time with God, going on dates, hanging out with friends, etc, etc. in between all of this? Of course you make time for those things because they are important, but it leaves you stretched very thin for things like- oh i dont know, a hobby?
However, although my heart sometimes feels heavy at the "loss" of this experience, I find myself also filled with so much joy and thankfulness at what I have been given instead.
My husband and I have been given this incredibly humbling and beautiful gift of being foster parents and its not something we take lightly. We GET to love on children who would otherwise not know love. We GET to let the world revolve around them and we GET to show them the love of a mommy and daddy that they wouldnt of had.
We GET to spoil this little girl with all our free time. We GET to share our lives with her and we GET to experience all her firsts with her... First steps, first words, first solid foods... First Birthday, First trip to the hospital, First haircut...
I may not have my "first time mom" experience like so many others do, but honestly, as I write these words, I feel like i've been given something even better.
We dont know what will happen with our girl. We dont know if we will get to keep her or have to let her go. But what I do know, is I wouldnt trade all these "Firsts" with her for anything else in the world.
Sometimes all it takes is getting a little perspective to cheer up :)
Also, I'm getting very anxious like a little kid on Christmas Eve for the birth of our First Son-
34 days and counting until I GET to bring my first child into this world, Hold him for the First time and fall in love with another boy for the second time :)
